Glossary

11.3 Marriage and Divorce in Judaism

5 min read•july 30, 2024

Marriage in Judaism is more than a legal contract—it's a sacred covenant between two people and God. This union is seen as the ideal state for personal and spiritual fulfillment, providing a framework for intimacy and growth within the family.

Jewish weddings are rich with symbolism and ritual. From the representing the couple's new home to the breaking of the glass, each element carries deep meaning. The outlines the couple's commitments, while blessings invoke divine presence in their union.

Marriage as a Covenant

The Sacredness of Marriage in Judaism

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  • In Judaism, marriage is viewed as a sacred covenant (b'rit) between two individuals and God, elevating the relationship beyond a mere legal contract
  • The Jewish concept of (peace in the home) underscores the significance of fostering harmony, stability, and spiritual growth within the marriage and family life
  • In Jewish thought, marriage is considered the ideal state for individuals to achieve personal and spiritual fulfillment, as it provides a framework for emotional, physical, and spiritual intimacy

The Centrality of Marriage in Jewish Life

  • The centrality of marriage in Jewish life is rooted in the belief that it is a divine commandment (mitzvah) and a means to fulfill God's plan for human companionship and procreation, as stated in Genesis 2:18 and 1:28
  • Jewish tradition emphasizes the importance of finding a suitable partner (bashert) and building a strong, loving relationship based on mutual respect, trust, and commitment
    • The Talmud states that 40 days before a child is born, a heavenly voice proclaims: "The daughter of this person is destined for that person" (Sotah 2a)
    • The Torah's first commandment to Adam and Eve is "be fruitful and multiply" (Genesis 1:28), highlighting the importance of marriage and procreation

Jewish Wedding Ceremony

Symbolic Elements of the Ceremony

  • The chuppah, a canopy under which the couple stands during the ceremony, symbolizes the new home and life the couple will build together
    • The chuppah is often made of a tallit (prayer shawl) or other beautiful fabric and is supported by four poles, representing the four corners of the couple's new home
  • The exchange of rings, typically a plain metal band, represents the couple's eternal love and commitment to each other, with the circular shape symbolizing the unending nature of their bond
    • The groom places the ring on the bride's right index finger, as it is believed to be directly connected to the heart

Rituals and Blessings

  • The (sheva brachot) recited during the ceremony invoke God's presence and blessing upon the couple, expressing wishes for joy, companionship, and the fulfillment of their spiritual and physical union
    • The blessings cover themes such as creation, joy, the Garden of Eden, and the bond between husband and wife
  • The breaking of a glass at the end of the ceremony serves as a reminder of the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem and the fragility of human relationships, emphasizing the importance of cherishing and nurturing the marriage bond
    • Some interpret the breaking of the glass as a symbol of the irrevocability of the marriage commitment
  • The ketubah, a Jewish marriage contract, outlines the husband's responsibilities to his wife and is signed before the ceremony, emphasizing the seriousness and legal aspects of the marriage commitment

Marriage Law and the Ketubah

Halakhic Framework of Jewish Marriage

  • Jewish marriage is governed by halakha (Jewish law), which outlines the rights and obligations of both parties in the marriage relationship
  • Jewish law requires the ketubah to be signed by two witnesses and read aloud during the wedding ceremony, emphasizing its importance as a legal and public declaration of the couple's commitment
    • The witnesses must be adult Jewish males who are not related to the bride or groom
  • While the traditional text of the ketubah has remained largely unchanged for centuries, modern versions have been adapted to reflect egalitarian values and the evolving roles of men and women in contemporary Jewish life
    • Some modern ketubot include parallel obligations for both partners and use gender-neutral language

The Role and Content of the Ketubah

  • The ketubah, written in Aramaic, is a legally binding document that specifies the husband's responsibilities to his wife, including providing food, clothing, and conjugal rights, as well as the financial obligations in case of divorce or the husband's death
  • The ketubah also serves to protect the wife's interests and ensures her financial security, as it obligates the husband to pay a predetermined sum (mohar) in the event of divorce
    • The mohar is typically a significant amount (200 zuz for a virgin bride and 100 zuz for a widow or divorcee), demonstrating the seriousness of the husband's commitment
  • In addition to the financial provisions, the ketubah may include other conditions agreed upon by the couple, such as the division of household responsibilities or the education of future children

Divorce and its Implications

The Jewish Divorce Process

  • Although Judaism views marriage as a sacred and permanent bond, it recognizes the reality of divorce and provides a legal framework for its process and consequences
  • Jewish divorce is enacted through the giving of a , a legal document that officially terminates the marriage and allows both parties to remarry according to Jewish law
    • The get is handwritten by a scribe (sofer) and must follow a specific format and wording
  • The get must be given willingly by the husband and accepted by the wife in the presence of a beit din (Jewish court) to be considered valid, ensuring that both parties consent to the divorce
    • The beit din consists of three rabbis who oversee the divorce process and ensure that it adheres to halakhic requirements

Religious and Social Implications of Divorce

  • From a religious perspective, divorce is seen as a last resort when all attempts at reconciliation have failed, and it is considered a tragedy for the individuals involved and the community as a whole
    • The Talmud states that "even the altar sheds tears when a man divorces his wife" (Gittin 90b), emphasizing the gravity of divorce
  • In cases where the husband refuses to grant a get or is unable to do so (e.g., due to mental incapacity or disappearance), the wife may become an agunah (a "chained woman"), unable to remarry under Jewish law
    • Jewish authorities have developed various legal and social mechanisms to address the issue of agunot and to encourage the timely granting of a get, such as prenuptial agreements and community pressure
  • Jewish tradition emphasizes the importance of treating both parties with respect and fairness throughout the divorce process and ensuring that the needs of any children are adequately met
    • The Talmud states that "one who divorces his first wife, even the altar sheds tears for him" (Sanhedrin 22a), highlighting the need for sensitivity and compassion in divorce proceedings

Key Terms to Review (15)

Breaking the glass: Breaking the glass is a Jewish wedding tradition where a groom shatters a glass, usually wrapped in cloth, during the ceremony. This act serves multiple purposes, including symbolizing the fragility of relationships, reminding participants of the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem, and providing a moment of joy and celebration as everyone shouts 'Mazel Tov!' after the glass is broken.
Chuppah: A chuppah is a canopy under which a Jewish couple stands during their wedding ceremony, symbolizing the home they will build together. It represents the couple's new life and partnership, with its open sides indicating hospitality and welcoming others into their new union. The chuppah is an essential element of Jewish wedding traditions, reflecting the spiritual and physical aspects of marriage.
Contemporary jewish family dynamics: Contemporary Jewish family dynamics refer to the evolving structures, roles, and relationships within Jewish families today, influenced by modern societal changes and cultural shifts. This includes diverse family configurations, varying levels of religious observance, and the impact of external factors such as gender equality and interfaith marriages. These dynamics reflect a blend of traditional Jewish values with contemporary life experiences.
Erusin: Erusin refers to the first stage of Jewish marriage, also known as betrothal, which establishes a legal bond between the couple. This phase is distinct from the actual marriage ceremony and can be viewed as a form of commitment where the couple is considered legally married but does not yet live together or engage in marital relations. Erusin is an important component of Jewish marital law and is marked by the giving of a ring or another valuable object, symbolizing the groom's commitment to the bride.
Get: A 'get' is a Jewish divorce document that is required for the formal dissolution of a marriage according to Jewish law. It serves as an official declaration that the husband has willingly granted the divorce to his wife, allowing her to remarry in accordance with halacha, or Jewish law. The process of obtaining a get involves specific rituals and must adhere to legal and religious standards to ensure that it is valid and recognized within the Jewish community.
Hafka'ah: Hafka'ah refers to the Jewish legal process of annulling a marriage or divorce under specific circumstances. It is a significant concept in Jewish law that allows for the cancellation of a marriage contract (ketubah) and can provide relief to parties in situations where the marriage is deemed invalid or problematic. The term emphasizes the importance of intention and understanding within the marital agreement.
Jewish Legal Codes: Jewish legal codes are systematic compilations of Jewish laws and regulations derived from biblical texts, rabbinic interpretations, and various legal traditions. These codes serve as the authoritative guide for Jewish practice, governing all aspects of life, including marriage and divorce, which are heavily influenced by specific legal rulings and community standards. They establish the framework within which personal status, family law, and societal obligations are understood and enforced.
Ketubah: A ketubah is a Jewish marriage contract that outlines the obligations and responsibilities of a husband to his wife, serving as a legal and religious document that protects the rights of the wife in the event of divorce or the husband's death. This important document is signed by witnesses and is often beautifully decorated, symbolizing the commitment and love between the couple. The ketubah reflects significant aspects of Jewish law and tradition, intertwining legal and ethical considerations in marriage.
Kiddushin: Kiddushin refers to the Jewish betrothal ceremony that establishes a marriage contract between a couple. This formal act of sanctification signifies the beginning of their marital relationship and is one of the key components of Jewish marital law. Kiddushin sets the framework for the obligations and rights that each partner has in the marriage, linking it closely to major categories of Jewish law, the specific processes of marriage and divorce, and the beliefs and practices within Orthodox Judaism.
Medieval jewish marriage customs: Medieval Jewish marriage customs refer to the practices, rituals, and societal norms surrounding marriage among Jewish communities during the medieval period, typically from the 5th to the 15th century. These customs were influenced by religious texts, local cultures, and socio-economic conditions, shaping how marriages were arranged, celebrated, and dissolved. Important elements included the ketubah (marriage contract), the role of the family in matchmaking, and various wedding ceremonies that reflected both Jewish law and local traditions.
Nissuin: Nissuin is the second stage of marriage in Jewish law, which follows the betrothal (kiddushin) and is marked by the couple entering into a marital relationship. This stage involves the couple living together as husband and wife, fulfilling the legal and spiritual requirements of marriage. Nissuin represents the consummation of the relationship and is often celebrated with a wedding ceremony that includes various rituals and blessings.
Rabbinic authority: Rabbinic authority refers to the power and influence held by rabbis in Jewish law, tradition, and community life. This authority encompasses the interpretation of sacred texts, the application of halakha (Jewish law), and guidance on ethical and spiritual matters. It is essential in areas such as marriage and divorce, where rabbis play a significant role in officiating ceremonies, providing counseling, and resolving disputes.
Seven Blessings: The Seven Blessings, or 'Sheva Brachot,' are a series of blessings recited during the Jewish wedding ceremony and following celebrations. These blessings celebrate the couple's union, God's creation of humanity, and the joy of marriage, reflecting the importance of community and family in Jewish life. They are traditionally recited by the guests at the wedding and during the week following the wedding to honor the newly married couple.
Shalom Bayit: Shalom Bayit translates to 'peace in the home' and refers to the concept of fostering a harmonious and respectful environment within the family. This term emphasizes the importance of peaceful relationships among family members, particularly between spouses, as a fundamental value in Jewish life. By promoting understanding and love within the household, Shalom Bayit acts as a guiding principle in marriage and family dynamics.
Tzniut: Tzniut is a Hebrew term that refers to the concept of modesty in Judaism, encompassing behavior, dress, and personal conduct. It is particularly significant in the context of how individuals, especially women, present themselves and interact with others, emphasizing dignity and respect. This principle plays an important role in the cultural norms surrounding marriage and divorce, guiding how partners relate to one another within these frameworks.
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